this is final draftï¼Œ however from the feedback of my professorï¼Œthere are still a lot of things need to change. And here is the feedback
This is a start, but I’m concerned that your topic is still too general and relies too heavily on Desmond’s research and topics. Consider the fact that Desmond’s book is only an investigation of the housing crisis in a single city, Milwaukee, and that his project is much, much larger than yours (a whole book), but it seems like you’re trying to tackle the issue of poverty and its root causes on a national scale in an 8-page paper. For this reason, yours doesn’t seem like an argument, but rather a list of things that lead to eviction. You have identified many problems, not one problem, so the scope of your essay is far too broad. Any of the problems you’ve identified could become research essays unto themselves. I realize you don’t have much time to revise before the final draft is due, but in the meantime I would recommend focusing in on one root cause of poverty/eviction, and doing as much as you can to show how this problem has contributed to the problem of poverty on a large scale. Because you’ve spent some time here describing the recession of 2007-2009, you might focus (for example) solely on housing costs and the rising costs of housing, along with housing scarcity (in overcrowded places like San Francisco, for example).
Please also see my margin comments for additional questions, feedback and suggestions.